Parenting Different Personalities

My goodness - it's been a long while since I actively parented. My boys both left home when they started college at 17 & 18 respectively, and with the execption of 1 summer for the younger, they never lived at home again!

I remember being amazed at how different 2 boys could be. I have 1 brother, so in my family we were different of course, because we were different sexes. But I was blown away at how different 2 of the same sex could be! I used a lot of humor with my guys - I am only 5'4" and my boys are 6'4 and 6'1", and they reached those heights fairly young. So the picture of me trying to physically restrain them after a while got pretty funny! Computer Guy would just hold my hands so I couldn't chase him with a wooden spoon and look at me with a smirk and tell me that it was time to settle down!! Humor and exaggeration of the consequences seemed to be a better path. I can remember sometimes telling them (possibly loudly!) that until they cleaned their rooms up I was done cooking - even if it took several days!! Since they were growing boys this got their attention!! They usually took care of their rooms fairly quickly!! I also gave them time frames - before dinner; before bed - that way I didn't have to nag - it usually worked! I was the mom however, I was the boss - they just didn't realize I was ultimately winning!

Once they got to Jr High I taught them to sort and do their own laundry. (This was wonderful for me and they did a really good job after they learned how!) Doing that and putting away the clean clothes were part of their chores. Dog p*op and sweeping the pool were the other main ones. I had summers off, so we went to the beach a lot - and during the first week after school let out, just when they had hit their lazy summer stride - we would always have the "Summer-will-be-horrible-if-you-don't-pitch-in" session. The deal was they did their chores first thing and then we would have fun!! No chores = no fun. I always put a lot of energy into this session, because I wanted to go play, and if I had to stay home and nag about chores it would be awful for everyone!!

As they got older and were driving, (yes, we bought them their first cars - older of course, but we both needed ours and having their own cars gave them opportunity to develop more responsibility!) they had to make us some promises. First, curfew was negotiable depending on the activity, but if their faces weren't in the house by 11 on the weekend, their voice needed to be on the phone telling us why, where they were, and what time they would be home. (As they got older they informed us they expected the same courtesy from us if they were home and we were out!!) Second, if they did something stupid and decided to drink they were NOT to drive home. They were to call, and no matter what shape they were in or where they were we would come get them with no punishment. They never took us up on that, but we were serious.

Computer Guy was first and easy - ok pregnancy and an easy kid. He was a cuddly, happy-go-lucky child and although we had the normal "head-butting" it usually resolved itself pretty quickly. A couple of swats (yes, I spanked) usually did the trick - putting him in his room was no big deal, he would just crawl on his bed and take a nap! As he grew older I could figure him out fairly easily - I could tell when he was telling me a tale, or if he had done something wrong. He was happy to hang out with family and although he was excited to go away to college, I think if we had tried to talk him out of it we might have kept him close to home a couple more years. It was so great for him to go when he did though, and he just blossomed! His personal growth and maturity was wonderful to see over the next 4 years! He developed an amazing talent with the guitar and sang in a band for several years during and after college. It was so fun to go and watch the group play - they were loud (we did take ear plugs!), but they were SOOOO GOOD!! We loved it!!

He has continued to grow and become an amazing man. He is a wonderful dad to his little girl and from my perspective, a terriffic husband! Darling Wife seems to think so too!! He is active in his church and is a loyal caring man, who will go many miles for his friends.

VP was 2nd - a "sicker" pregnancy (and THE LAST! - I was not a good pregnant lady!) and from day 1 had a more focused personality. He had his own idea how things should be done and went to great lengths to make his point. Swats never fazed him, but putting him in his bedroom was the worst and he would lay on the floor with his face at the bottom of the door and cry loudly so I could tell how upset he was!! Since he hated being in there he would of course, try to get out - so I would sit on the floor and hold the doorknob til he gave up. That was quite a picture - me on the floor in the hall holding the doorknob, VP on the other side trying the door then crying loudly with his mouth to the crack below the door just to make sure I knew he was angry!! Sometimes the whole situation would get me laughing and it was a real chore to make sure he didn't hear me!! I had a harder time reading him - and could never tell if he was really sick on a school morning or if he just needed more sleep. Sometimes he actually laid around all day, sometimes he had a miraculus healing by about noon!

He had pretty strong ideas of how he should be parented, and he and I butted heads when my (yes - also strong) ideas differed!! Sometimes we compromised, sometimes we just had to agree to disagree!! Hubby and he were more often on the same wave length, and could usually talk things through easier! Along with his strong will, he also developed a compassionate side and many nights as he grew up, he and his friends would gather in the jacuzzi in the back yard and he would "counsel" them! We listened in a few times and his advice was usually pretty good!

After he was in high school and I was working full time, he would call me to find out what I had planned for dinner. If he didn't "approve" he would volunteer to bbq chicken instead - which was grand - I didn't have to cook after all! He could hardly wait to leave for college, and although he came home 1 summer to work as an interim youth pastor at our church, my "mothering" was pretty much over by then. He married the week before graduation, and although that relationship is challenging, his tenacious personality has served him well. He is a wonderful, loving dad and husband and has faced the challenges in his marriage with a maturity and wisdom that sometimes takes our breath away.

Being a mom was great - I loved it! I loved that I was able to stay home with them, have a snack ready when they got home from school, and drive them to their sports practices. I had fun with them - we went to the beach, parks, out for ice cream cones and laid on the grass and watched the clouds. We went on ski trips and camping trips and baseball games. Our house was where the other kids gathered to swim and they gathered often. We were very active with our church, and the majority of their friends were in the same church. Our faith was (and is) a huge part of our lives and they really never rebelled over being at church. They are both Christians, married Christians and are raising their families in loving Christian churches. I raised 2 men I am enormously proud of and I have no regrets that I didn't have a career!

I'm not sure if I covered how, exactly, I parented - other than what I wrote. I just loved them and prayed for them a lot - - still do!